50 Ways To Annoy Commodore Norrington
by Delu
Summary: Simple 50 step plan to completely annoy, befuddle, and otherwise frustrate that lovable, stuck up Commodore we all know and love.


**50 Ways To Annoy Commodore Norrington**

**1. **Call him Norry.  
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2. **Call him Scruffington.  
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3. **Proceed to rhyme these two names in any way possible - for most effective use, throw insults about the size of his sword in.  
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4. **Ask him why he wears an ice cream scoop for a wig.  
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5.** Tell him Cap'n Jack's got better hair.  
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6.** Ask him why Will has a bigger hat than he does.  
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7.** Pet his wig when he takes it off.  
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8.** Kidnap his bride-to-be/freakish-cannon-Mary Sue.  
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9.** Make her do a strip tease in front of a bunch of pirates.  
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10.** Tell him she ran off to be with a eunuch anyway, so that's really got to say something about him.  
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11.** Ask him why he has two close Lieutenants with names starting with G's.  
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12.** Tell him he's prejudice to the letters F and H.  
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13.** Proceed to stick posters around town with this information - for more effective use, add a poorly drawn picture of him beating said letters.  
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14.** Bring him to court for Letter Abuse.  
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15.** Act as his defense attorney.  
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16.** Invite Fish-face and Hector Barbossa to be prime witnesses.  
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17.** Tell him he was a mere side shot to Elizabeth's fanning at his own ceremony.  
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18.** Tell him he messed up on the forward swing anyway and that he should have practiced more often.  
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19.** Inform him that Snobbery is actually a vicious disease and that he should have that checked out immediately.  
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20.** The first sign is a wig fetish.  
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21.** Especially if shaped like ice cream.  
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22.** It's in it's advanced stage when the wig is the exact shade of French Vanilla Briers.  
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23.** Point and laugh whenever he walks into a room/onto deck/into street.  
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24.** Proceed to do any of the following: clutch sides, cover face, hitch breathing, shake head, fall to knees, and splutter.  
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25.** For more effective use do all of them consecutively.  
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26.** Form a peaceful protest outside of his home.  
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27.** Tell him it's because he didn't say his lines right.  
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28.** Run in circles screaming when he looks at you.  
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29.** When questioned, say that he was trying to steal your soul.  
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30.** Stalk him.  
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31.** Leave trinkets behind with notes saying things like: "I know what you did last summer," and "Your uniform needs washing." Anything strange that leaves an unyielding desire to throw away his possessions.  
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32.** Steal the things he throws away.  
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33.** Wear it around town and pretend you are him.  
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34.** Act snobby and throw him in prison when he confronts you.  
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35.** Use the words "Short drop and a sudden stop."  
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36.** Hold his wig ransom until he caves into your demands.  
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37.** Tell him you want a Governor's daughter to threaten, a link of chains, and a pulley to fly off on.  
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38.** When he asks why you're trying to be like Jack Sparrow, correct him with "CAPTAIN!" and kick him in the shins.  
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39.** Then say you have no clue what he's talking about.  
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40.** Proceed to dye his wig green, send it back, and say it fell in your pool.  
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41.** Tell him you'll marry him then run off with a blacksmith's apprentice.  
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42.** Then leave the blacksmith for a pirate.  
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43.** _Then_ kiss him as your escaping Davey Jones' ship and leave him to be killed.  
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44.** Tell him your sorry in the afterlife, then proceed to slap him and say things like "'Oo was she?!"  
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45.** Cry if he has no clue what you're talking about.  
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46.** Cackle evilly if he does.  
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47.** Buy him a new wig.  
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48.** Give him his "Commodore Norry" sword back.  
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49.** Smile when he looks confused.  
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50.** Proceed to tell him Will actually made it all those years ago and laugh gleefully as he looks at it disgustedly and rips his new wig in frustration.

-V-

**A/N: **Just a little thing I came up with after reading similiar lists (see my faves in my profile for reference).


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